the clouds are epic today. big and white. and the sky is, for now at least, blue. i woke up, excited to spend the day with my mom. i just wanted to be at home, to smell the lilac bush behind our house, to feel the hardwood floors on my feet, to touch the grass, to say hi to the neighbors and sit on the porch swing with my mom when the afternoon rain started to fall. i called her early - she was on her way to take care of our great aunt who is sick in punxsutawney.
i called steve to see if he had any inspiration for the day. he suggested going to a movie alone. i researched movie times at the manor theater - but, to my disappointment, they only had romantic comedies - one of them even starred jennifer lopez. i considered the museum - but when you're used to going for free, it's hard to imagine paying money to go. i knew i didn't want to spend time with people, but that i also wanted to be around people. so i decided to allow myself the (now) rare delicacy of going out to eat. i would get some food, bring my computer and a book, go to crazy mocha and then at 4:00 go to see a movie i wasn't sure about at the regent square theater. but the idea of sitting in a dark room with local strangers felt really comforting, regardless of the movie. as long as it didn't star jennifer lopez, i figured i'd be okay.
this story is moving towards a moment worth explaining. i promise.
so i got dressed. jeans, shirt, cardigan. couldn't find the shoes i wanted, settled on another pair. scarf. changed bags so that i could carry my laptop. charged my ipod a little, called laurie while i waited. she didn't pick up. i got my things together and left. i walked out of my house thinking about living in bloomfield; i felt lucky to live here, on friendship avenue, in an apartment i like with a great view. i thought about the strange mix of hipsters, old people, and white trash. i thought, maybe for the first time, that the mix was okay. i walked down ella street listening to phoenix, which, i realized, finally qualified me as a white, mid-twenties person who moved to bloomfield. i'm wearing a scarf. and sure, i'm actually from pittsburgh - and yes - i grew up in a neighborhood on the east end - and yeah, my friends actually lived in bloomfield and lawrenceville and squirrel hill and shadyside and regent square growing up - so i might have a little more street credit. but, to everyone else, i'm not old and i'm not white trash, so that makes me the third social group.
so i walked down ella street. i could see downtown peaking behind a lush, very green, very full hill. i could see the northside, even, peaking behind more hills. a woman smiled at me. the clouds were huge - huge! the sky was blue, so blue. in an instant, everything i loved about this city came to mind. mineos pizza, schenley high school, the hills, the green, schenley park, fireworks, even the crappy art at art all night! the reservoir in highland park, tazza d'oro, the italian catholic church i grew up going to in morningside, the farmers market i used to go to with my mom in the zoo parking lot - the people, the things that stay the same and even some of the things that have changed - i loved terrance hayes and annie dillard more than i could have imagined in this moment. i loved my dad and my mom and my brother. and i loved my best friends from kindergarten. the carnegie library in oakland, or the one in east liberty that i used to go to with my mom. the memories of first kisses, getting lost with my brother in the natural history museum, my first communion, my elementary school - it all came to me. i had more affection and tenderness for this city than i've had in so long.
laurie called me back. she was, also, trying to find a place to eat. only she was in brooklyn, and i was in pittsburgh. i commented on how few places there are to eat on liberty avenue unless you want thai food. she talked about how many places there are to eat close to her. she told me to move to brooklyn. and i smiled to myself.
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