paul bought this picture from me. i saw it today on his wall. i stood in front of it, transfixed. transported. time is so strange. the past is so far, and then so close. i was just a child then. i was leaving arizona. i didn't mean to, it's just what i had chosen. dominic walked on ahead, his orange sweater against the pinks and sages of the desert made me able to see him no matter how far ahead he walked. i stayed back, sitting on the edge of the mountain of sand, with my feet dug deep into its coolness. i moved to arizona in search of myself - and i wanted to find her alone, disconnected, out of place, unrelated. a girl of trees, green hills, and grass living in a place of dry, empty, large open space. a girl made of relationships, memories and connections in a place where she was nameless and meaningless, taking on the likeness of the desert. i wanted the wind to blow hard on me, to disintegrate me into sand. to blow me to the east and west. pieces and particles of nothing.
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