and i'm young and i'm strong / but i feel old and tired / overfired

i told the guy i was there to pick up two records i'd ordered. a mountain goats record and bon iver. the guy went behind the counter and picked the records up, looked at them and said, "all right, we've got them, the mountain goats and slipknot." he didn't smile. i panicked. he laughed, "i've been working on that joke all week."

we parked outside of our apartment on friendship avenue. there were people with a uhaul moving van. the license plate was from arizona - i rolled down the window and asked if they were going to arizona - they said no, but the van was from arizona. laurie suggested i offer to drive the uhaul home to arizona.

we passed jeremy. or jason. he told my future one time at the brillobox when we were snowed in all weekend. he spoke to me for 2 hours as if he held all of the answers to my future - as if he was the only person who knew me, cared about me - like he saw me. laurie tried to interrupt him a few times, and he yelled at her, "DO YOU LOVE HER? DO YOU CARE ABOUT THIS GIRL? BECAUSE IF YOU DO, YOU WILL STOP TALKING. SHE NEEDS TO HEAR WHAT I AM TELLING HER." we smiled at each other.

we parked. we saw damien. we also spent those nights at the brillobox with damien. he got stuck driving up penn the night the first snow came. this time he was having trouble with his rear bike wheel. we invited him in. he watered our plants. we offered him a ride home in exchange for a painting of his. he agreed.

we drove to graham street. laurie lived with damien above the quiet storm for a year. we entered the apartment building - the feeling of the railing in my hand, the feel of my shoes on the hardwood floors, the smell of the building, the contrast of the bright outside and the dark hallways all felt so familiar to me - even more familiar to laurie. we came inside to a kitchen we'd partied in, a fire escape we'd sat on, couches i'd slept on, floors we'd laid on - so much happens in the places we live. damien played us songs on the guitar, laurie played us songs on the guitar, damien cooked us food and made us screwdrivers, like old times.

we left. got into the car. listened to songs. stopped at the corner of penn and main. saw two middle aged black men in a van full of blue balloons. we waved to them and smiled. they smiled and waved back. when the light turned, we smiled and waved again. they laughed and waved. we parked outside of the cantina - it was jenn's birthday, we were meeting her and marissa to celebrate. we were early. we kept driving and drove to the river. we got out of the car and walked along the train tracks.

we went to the new amsterdam with jenn and marissa. we left and went to remedy. our friends were there. we took pictures in the bathrooms, we laughed a lot, laurie tried not to cry, steve was the best, paul and kystal and jon were there. we left and went to steve and jon's. we danced for a few songs to bad music.

steve put on banshee beat. laurie laid down. i laid down next to her. steve laid down next to me. he held my hand on his chest. and i held laurie's hand. and andres laid next to laurie. and then we listened to martha wainwright, "bloody motherfucking asshole."