the more pictures i take of the grand canyon, the better i get at it. the better i get at it, the more i realize that i will never actually be good at it. i mean, that's the point of this huge hole in the ground, anyway. man can't have it, own it, capture it, know it. it doesn't work. it still remains largely unexplored and also incredibly deadly. people are dying here all of the time. i guess being here is this constant reflection of so many obvious life lessons / mainly ones of biblical proportions. i guess this is my lame attempt at some sort of update. and so this is what i have to say about life here, a second time around. firstly, i miss my friends, a lot. i miss our times here - their ghosts are everywhere. i can't get away from them, most of the times, and i'm okay with it. every beautiful thing here seemed better when shared with them. trying to feel communion with the group here this summer is very difficult for me. hopefully in time, that'll change. my job is fantastic - i like the front desk, i like the music they play, i like my co-workers, i like the actual job. much better than the gift shop. i'm still adjusting to the uniform and shoes that hurt my feet. other than that, everything else is just okay. everything is slower. there's a rhythm that makes sense to me: work, walk, eat, walk, friends, walk, sleep. you find your problems follow you though. you follow, not the person you wanted you to be in the new place. that's okay. if you felt distant from Him in pittsburgh, you probably still will at the grand canyon - only you might feel more guilty about it when standing on the edge of one of the wonders of the world. i'm learning to play the piano again and hopefully the guitar. there's a lot to be learned about christianity, christian community and jesus through your frustrations with it. i left a city, a community, a group of friends who were progressive, smart, thoughtful and serious. i moved here, to find a lot of the things i hate about christianity and christian community. sometimes it seems like a stupid move because of that - why go back? why revisit the conversations, the fights, the arguments, the anger? i guess i'm still idealistic enough to believe that both sides still have things to teach each other - that, on both sides of the fence, there are still things to be learned here.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
all secrets and lies / let them out
the more pictures i take of the grand canyon, the better i get at it. the better i get at it, the more i realize that i will never actually be good at it. i mean, that's the point of this huge hole in the ground, anyway. man can't have it, own it, capture it, know it. it doesn't work. it still remains largely unexplored and also incredibly deadly. people are dying here all of the time. i guess being here is this constant reflection of so many obvious life lessons / mainly ones of biblical proportions. i guess this is my lame attempt at some sort of update. and so this is what i have to say about life here, a second time around. firstly, i miss my friends, a lot. i miss our times here - their ghosts are everywhere. i can't get away from them, most of the times, and i'm okay with it. every beautiful thing here seemed better when shared with them. trying to feel communion with the group here this summer is very difficult for me. hopefully in time, that'll change. my job is fantastic - i like the front desk, i like the music they play, i like my co-workers, i like the actual job. much better than the gift shop. i'm still adjusting to the uniform and shoes that hurt my feet. other than that, everything else is just okay. everything is slower. there's a rhythm that makes sense to me: work, walk, eat, walk, friends, walk, sleep. you find your problems follow you though. you follow, not the person you wanted you to be in the new place. that's okay. if you felt distant from Him in pittsburgh, you probably still will at the grand canyon - only you might feel more guilty about it when standing on the edge of one of the wonders of the world. i'm learning to play the piano again and hopefully the guitar. there's a lot to be learned about christianity, christian community and jesus through your frustrations with it. i left a city, a community, a group of friends who were progressive, smart, thoughtful and serious. i moved here, to find a lot of the things i hate about christianity and christian community. sometimes it seems like a stupid move because of that - why go back? why revisit the conversations, the fights, the arguments, the anger? i guess i'm still idealistic enough to believe that both sides still have things to teach each other - that, on both sides of the fence, there are still things to be learned here.
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Exactly.
ReplyDeleteJCM